The Republican Party stinks because all of the Republicans have accomplished nothing, and they talk about all of these issues and do nothing about it for a whole lifetime.

I knew nothing about professional comedians when I became a comedian. I was a rabbi. So I had no professional comedians to learn from.

Predictions are preposterous.

If you wanted to hear politics, you'd go to Henry Kissinger; you wouldn't go to hear Jackie Mason. The reason I speak about politics is because I know I can get a laugh out of it.

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.