If you have not resolved your grief, it will affect your future relationships including the one you have with yourself. Including the one you have with me. It will keep us all in a holding pattern, putting a straightjacket on your love and chaining you to the past instead of moving you forward into the future.
Several times over the years Kate would tell me how she saw Grady in her dreams. In the dream Kate would say to her, “You can't be here, Grady, you died.” Inevitably as she said that, Grady would disappear, poof, just like that. I tried to explain to her that she needed to accept Grady into her dreams. She needed to give Grady permission to stay. Until she did, Grady would have to honor what Kate believed to be true. When Kate said, “You can’t be here,” Grady could not stay. That’s the way it works. A loyal dog obeys its master, even beyond the grave.