I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.

Where do you go to get anorexia?

I'm not overweight, I'm just nine inches too short.

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.