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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
— Tim Allen
Tags: act, seriously, comedy, judge, together

Other Quotes by "Tim Allen"

I have an only child. She's so independent and good with adults.
— Tim Allen
Tags: she, child, only, good
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
— Tim Allen
Tags: men, children, work, women
Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
— Tim Allen
Tags: easy, real, nothing, care
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
— Tim Allen
Tags: words, woman, trust, me
Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
— Tim Allen
Tags: everything, own, bad, men
View More by "Tim Allen"
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