Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

I've known Don since he came to Washington. When he first came to work for George W. Bush, he was a different Don Rumsfeld. He was jolly, full of life, and ready to go to war, but only if we could win.

A humorist has to be taken seriously before he's considered a real writer.

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.