A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
When I encountered rich people for the first time, I discovered that not only do they holiday in places that are hard to find on a map, but that they also use the names of seasons as verbs. When they asked me, 'Where did you summer and winter growing up?' I would usually say, 'As a child? The same place I springed and autumned.'
I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.
All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once you're laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what I'm saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'
I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is.
