Our society constantly promotes role models for masculinity, from superheroes to politicians, where the concept of being a 'man' is based in their ability to be tough, dominant - and even violent when required.
Britain has been responsible for the undermining of democracy, turning a blind eye to abuses by its allies, using extraordinary rendition to get around the rule of law, passing over the denial of individual liberties to dissidents, and the evasion of the dismal situation for religious minorities.
Through adopting radical extremism, some young men who previously felt humiliated and emasculated by their peers can now feel powerful and intimidating - and gain status, attention from young women, and the comradeship and solidarity of other young men like themselves.
Living through the intersections of cultural diversity has given me an intimate understanding of the dynamics of living between the dimensions of East and West, traditional and modern, and political and spiritual.
I have watched the spread of violent extremism and jihadism across Europe and the U.K. with dismay, particularly given my history of experiencing threats, abuse, and harassment by Muslim fanatics.
We need to defend principles like democracy, freedom of speech, gender equality, and the rule of law through exemplifying these on a global scale, not through the same cynical, isolationist policies which have eroded these so-called 'British' values across the rest of the world.
We must defend democracy using its own mechanisms, through explaining and exemplifying its merits rather than through the heavy-handed and arbitrary silencing of its critics. This is how we will build a sustainable alternative to the contorted worldview of extremists.
A hedonistic lifestyle contrary to all the rules and expectations of Islam is not an unusual precursor to radicalisation: in fact, some young radicals see joining in the jihad as a way of achieving redemption for past sins.
Rather than shutting down free speech, we need to broaden it, to make it possible for young people to say even the things we dislike so we can talk them down. And we need politicians to articulate a picture of the future that includes all of us. Not British values but shared human values.
I'm a woman of colour. I am the daughter of immigrants. I am a Muslim. I am a feminist. I am a lefty liberal.
Left to the mercies of their communities, Muslim women and children remain in abusive households and face losing their financial security over issues like child maintenance and inheritance through the judgments of 'sharia' courts.
Extremist movements are driven by their inability to tolerate the basic human fact of pluralism. They refuse to accept the natural cultural and religious diversity of our world, seeking to impose their own beliefs and behaviours as a universal pattern for humanity.
Like Theresa May, I regularly find myself infuriated by the rantings of Anjem Choudary and other hate preachers.
