My father never raised his hand to any one of his children - except in self-defense.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
The first Sunday I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
