Quotes by "Scott Adams"

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.

Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.

Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.

the happiness formula: Eat right Exercise Get enough sleep Imagine an incredible future (even if you don’t believe it) Work toward a flexible schedule Do things you can steadily improve at Help others (if you’ve already helped yourself) Reduce daily decisions to routine

It’s useful to think of your priorities in terms of concentric circles. In the center is your highest priority: you. If you ruin yourself, you won’t be able to work on any other priorities. So taking care of your own healthy is job one. The next ring is economics. If you don’t get your personal financial engine working right, you place a burden on everyone from your family to the country. The third ring: family, friends, and lovers. Good health and sufficient money are necessary for a base level of happiness, but you need to be right with your family, friends, and romantic partners to truly enjoy life. The next rings are your local community, your country, and the world, in that order. Don’t bother trying to fix the world until you get the inner circles of your priorities under control.

One of my systems involves continually looking for patterns in life. Here’s my own list of the important patterns for success that I’ve noticed over the years: Lack of fear of embarrassment Education (the right kind) Exercise Education and psychological bravery are somewhat interchangeable. If you don’t have much of one, you can compensate with a lot of the other. When you see a successful person who lacks a college education, you’re usually looking at someone with an unusual lack of fear. There’s one more pattern I see in successful people: they treat success as a learnable skill. That means they figure out what they need and they go and get it.

The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations.

People hate change, and with good reason. Change makes us stupider, relatively speaking. Our knowledge -as a percentage of all the things that can be known- goes down a tick every time something changes. And frankly, if we're talking about a percentage of the total knowledge in the universe, most of us aren't that many basis points superior to our furniture to begin with. I hate to wake up in the morning only to find that the intellectual gap between me and my credenza has narrowed. That's no way to start the day.

Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with low SAT scores. The only differences among us is that we're idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.

Success is entirely accessible, even if you happen to be a huge screw-up 95 percent of the time.

If you have a reasonable system for pursuing success, it can survive a lot of face-plants along the way. That knowledge makes success seem accessible. If you think successful people have some sort of superpower or special connections, why try?

We don't always have an accurate view of our own potential. I think most people who are frightened of public speaking and can't imagine they might feel different as a result of training. Don't assume you know how much potential you have. Sometimes the only way to know what you can do is to test yourself.

I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff.

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.