The only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping and showing off his shortcomings.

I have a face that is a cross between two pounds of halibut and an explosion in an old clothes closet.

Old age has got to start creeping up on me one day soon, and frankly I'm very scared. I don't want to be old. I've always felt so young. And I want to stay that way.

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.

Happy people are those who use a lower threshold in order to label an event positive.