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Quotes by "Eugene Mirman"

Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.
— Eugene Mirman
Tags: school, humor, bullies, advice, abuse
Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.
— Eugene Mirman The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life
Tags: philosophy, humor, drinking
Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.
— Eugene Mirman The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life
Tags: sports, relationships, humor
I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.
— Eugene Mirman
Tags: high, nice, high-school, school
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