Wigs have always been a part of my life and have become a staple accessory in my closet. I can remember being a little girl and hearing all the commotion in my house from my mom, aunts and grandmother when picking out their wigs for the day. It was such a good time for them and part of their everyday beauty routine.
For my first wedding, I cried all the way down the aisle. My fake eyelash came off. My nose was red. My eyes were swollen. I'm not one of those pretty criers.
As the oldest I was a daddy's girl and loved him with all my heart. My daddy had holes in his shoes so that he could pay for my photography classes, you know what I mean.
If it wasn't for my trainer - who comes looking for me three times a week before 7 A.M. - I wouldn't get my butt out of bed and into the gym. There are many mornings when I think about faking a sprained ankle, but I just put it out of my head and make myself go.
When I was little I went to a Baptist Church with my grandmother. My earliest memories were of her falling out in the middle of the floor and they had to cover her with a white sheet. Every time we went to church it was scary. The music would start playing, and then everybody would start running and shouting and hollering and screaming.
My sisters have been baptized and my dad is a deacon at his church now. Sadly my mother passed away but what I can say is that the Jehovah Witnesses took very good care of her up until she died.
For me, wigs and hairpieces are an everyday part of my life. One day I can wear what I like to call my 'Back to you, Barbara' look - professional and full of layers - and the next day you may see me in my 'Bubblin' Brown Sugar' look - curly, fun and bubbly.
I love the entire process of being on the set and being able to create a character. It's so much fun. In 'Think Like a Man,' I have a very small part. They told me it wasn't a big budget, but I don't care about any of that. I'll do it for free simply because I love being on the set with other creative people.
When I first started wearing wigs, I didn't know you had to anchor them down with bobby pins. I walked out during a windy day and my wig blew off and got stuck to a branch. I was walking while my wig was hanging! If that's not the most embarrassing thing... but you have to use bobby pins.
I'm a human garbage can, but I don't like veggies unless they have Velveeta cheese on top. And forget crunchy broccoli and carrots. I like 'em soggy, soft and wilted. The nutrients have probably gone away, but that's the only way I can eat them.
When I planned my wedding the first time, my ex-husband and I, we were both struggling comics. I had a TV show that had gotten cancelled. Basically, I rented a wedding gown; the reception hall smelled like feet.
A lot of people say it's cathartic to cook, and I'm like, 'How is it cathartic washing all these dishes?'
I have hair that I audition with, my sitcom hair which is a curly wig. I have my long chic hair that I wear to my son's school so they know I'm not playing around. I always tell people that my husband gets a different woman every night when I come home from 'The View.' Hair makes you feel a certain way, like putting a power suit on.
My grandmother taught me that accomplishments meant less than what you left behind. I started to ask myself what impact my comedy would have on people's lives. And that changed my act. I got cleaner. I stopped talking about generic stuff like airplane peanuts and started speaking the truth about my gift.
I've always had a quirky way of looking at things. It's my coping mechanism.
My father was and is a great father. My father always wanted to do stand-up. He wanted to be an actor. But instead he did two jobs. He did customer service at a hospital and he worked as a waiter at night. He pretty much sacrificed everything for his daughters.
I worked at Sears in the Woodfield Mall as a gift wrapper. I'm actually a great gift wrapper, and the customers were so nice to me. I was only 16, and eventually Sears put me in customer service because I was so friendly.
I didn't see my son the entire time I did 'Dancing With the Stars.' The only time I saw Jeffrey was when he came to the show Monday and Tuesday nights to watch me dance. You literally rehearse six to eight hours every single day - 40 to 50 hours a week.
I would make people who bullied me laugh, so that's my defense mechanism.
I am a type-2 diabetic, and they took me off medication simply because I ate right and exercised. Diabetes is not like a cancer, where you go in for chemo and radiation. You can change a lot through a basic changing of habits.
