Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.