Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.