Quotes Tagged "witty"

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.

I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.

Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.

Sex is like money; only too much is enough.

In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.

Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.

Retirement must be wonderful. I mean, you can suck in your stomach for only so long.

The rich can be "eccentric," the poor have to be considered "nuts."

The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; When health is lost, something is lost; When character is lost, all is lost!

The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a reason.

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.