People like abstract art because it makes them feel clever.
First I stopped believing in hell, then the afterlife. Sometimes that connection is still there, and I'll feel an impulse to pray if I'm stressed or upset.
I used to work with autistic children, and they said a lot of funny things to me.
I got left for Mr. Bean. I found out a year after we split up. I opened the newspaper and there was a full-page story. No one else in the history of time has ever been left for Mr. Bean.
Until you get left for Mr. Bean, you don't realise how frequently he pops up. There's a shop two streets from my house that sells masks of his face. There's nowhere where I'm going to go that he's not there.
There's not many comedy characters that make me laugh as much as The Rock does; it's nice to have a big muscly guy being funny and stupid.
If you just focus on getting better, and not being the best, you have such a good time.
The comic I can now never enjoy again is Bill Cosby. He was truly one of the first comedians I got into.
There's no excuse for panel games, other TV comedy shows, or even live bills to be made up mainly of men.
I thought all good art is you doing exactly what you want to see. I didn't realise that's not even what I really like about art. Bands I liked weren't doing just what they want to do: they were finding their common ground with them and me.
I remember being four or five, not understanding how to be funny, so just going around the house and my mum and dad's friends, confusing adults by saying weird things.
I'm not a big depressive, but I have my moments.
I think I can draw both a mainstream audience and an alternative audience to my shows. I also have the ability to disappoint both.
Every year in Edinburgh, I end up waiting behind the curtain about to go on stage, and I have a moment of thinking, 'No one's told me what to do with this show. I've done exactly what I wanted. This is the biggest arts festival in the world, and all these people have shown up. Aren't I lucky?' It really is amazing.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, sums up the Fringe. Spend a year spitting your guts out writing a show, and people forget your name as soon as they walk out.
I thought comedians were the funny guy in the common room, not understanding that the flaws in my personality were actually the funny things about me.
I grew up with interesting and funny people. We made our own fun. You had to use your imagination.
One of the things I figured out was that I was having good gigs when I wore jumpers. It was because I looked more like an outsider, so they expected me to talk about weird stuff rather than normal stuff.
I absolutely loathe sleeping in a tent, regardless of the weather.
Everyone was wearing jeans, so I started wearing slacks. I'd walk on, and people would laugh before I got to the mic because I looked stupid.
