Quotes Tagged "humour"

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

Do you hate people?” “I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt that way.

I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel, sideshows or gorillas. When this occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs and leave the room.

The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.

When I was your age, television was called books.

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.

I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long. Good things come to those who wait.